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Chad Mathews's Articles in Relationships

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  • Stop Arguing - 3 Reasons You Are to Blame of Your Arguments
    So you are desperately seeking a way to stop arguing with your partner all the time. There are a few things you need to consider that you might not have thought of.

    First you need to realize that arguments do not just materialize, especially if you and your partner seem to fight all the time. There are several ingredients that have to be present in order to start and argument.
    Think of it like a hurricane. In order for a tornado to form you have to have an area of cold air that meets with an area of warm humid air. These things do not just appearon their own. And neither do your fights.

    Ever had an argument about something seemingly unimportant? You forget to buy milk at the grocery store and all of the sudden "you don't love me"? What is that about? Chances are it's not about that. We fall into these patterns because we fail to communicate about the deeper issues. Little things (or big things) add up over time leaving us feeling unappreciated, hurt, unloved and so forth.

    These things go unspoken because they are tied to deeper more painful issues and when a smaller trigger, like the forgetting to call, comes up it is easier to use this as a excuse for our frustration. So what do we do?

    First we need to realize three things in order to stop fighting:

    - I can only deal with my own emotions - Trying to change the way someone else feels is not only impossible it is damaging.

    - If I get mad it's because I choose to be. No one can alter your state of mind unless you choose to let it happen. If you get mad you choose to feel that way.

    - I am in control of my communication. When we choose to argue and fight we are choosing to damage our relationships. If you can't seem to make a point without getting heated or mad then maybe you should look into anger management.

    On the same note if you have a partner that can't seem to have a disagreement without getting heated you have only two choices. You can participate in the yelling or you can choose not to. When you choose not to it is best to say:

    "I cannot have this discussion with you if you choose to yell and scream. When you calm down enough to speak to me in a reasonable tone we can continue."

    This way you are being respectful and not avoiding the issue. Ultimately, we must understand that to stop fighting we have to control what WE can control. Which is ourselves.

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